Daily Archives: September 6, 2018
On Monday, about mid-day, I noticed that I had a area in my right eye, my shooting eye, that seemed blurry. When I placed my hand over my left eye, it became apparent that a triangular pattern with rough edges extended from the left border of my eye to the center of my eaye, a kind of grey opaque area which blocked any detail behind it, as illusrated above. I tried eye drops and splashing cold water in my eye, but to no affect. About 23 years ago I had a detached retina in that eye and my first thought was another detached retina, but the pattern was all wrong for that. My next thought was a tear in the retina and that made the more sense.
I was to speak in Nashville on Tuesday night, so I first, sadly cancelled that, and then headed to Lexington to see a retina specialist. After lots a drops and internal photographs of the eye I met with the doctor. She said, “well your retina is fine, no tears and no detachment. What you do have is a tiny piece of plaque lodged in a very tiny vein in the eye and it is blocking blood flow to the area of the eye that has gone opaque.” She explained that there is not a procedure to physically dislodge the blockage. I was encouraged to use eye drops, provided by her, to reduce pressue in that eye, and to keep taking my blood thinner and baby aspirin in the hope that it would dislodge the plaque. So far it has not and it is likely that the area of the eye has been starved of blood long enough, now, that it will likely, not recover. I still hope and pray, but so far no change.
Blessings and drawbacks; A number of years ago I had cataracts in both of my eyes and had intra-ocular implants placed in both eyes. My right eye, the one affected has a lens focused at reading distance and my left eye at infinity. With this arrangement I could drive or read without the need of glasses, though glasses did improve both functions.
I am a right eyed shooter, but I will now have to learn to shoot with my left eye, the one with no obstructions. I’ve already tested my cameras adjusted now to my left eye and I can see fine, it will be a small, but I suspect short learning curve, to get used to shooting left eyed. A real blessing is optical accomodation! With both eyes open the greyed out area, of no vision, seems to disappear and be only very slightly notiable as the information from both eyes is integrated by the brain and the deficient area is filled in!!! It is only very noticeable when I close my left eye revealing the blocked area of vision in the right eye.
So, “Just Deal With It!” Would I prefer that this not have happened? You bet, Would I like for it to just clear up? Yes, I would love it. Can I live with it if nothing changes? Absolutely, I have no choice, and I accept the challenge!
Let me make this a witnessing opportunity. What is the first step, we should take, when things go wrong? Find the good part! The good part is the vein that was blocked was not feeding blood to the macular nerves which would have rendered me completely blind in my right eye! That is definitely a blessing! Second thing to do is praise God for the circumstances! Do what!!!!????? Years ago I read a wonderful book by an Army Chaplain called Prison to Praise, it was book about this pastor who found that what God wants us to do is praise Him in all circumstances, even when things to go all wrong. Why on earth would you do that?! If we believe that God only wants what is best for us, and that He will never allow anything to happen that does not help us, make us stronger and more able to serve Him, then we can live without fear of whatever we may have to face. It seems impossible to feel that way when bad things happen, but if we can’t trust God completely, then do we really trust Him at all?
The most important part of my physical body, beyond my heart and brain, is my eyes!! I use them for my craft and my passion, but I trust God with them and I know something will be learned through this expereince. Today begins a new chapter in how I function as a visual artist, maybe slightly impaired, but still ready to climb back up on the horse and make adjustments. With God’s help and strength, I will “just deal with it!” “Deal with it” means knowing God has a plan, and I’m in the middle of His plan, and I would not want to be any other place!
Today’s Prayer: Heavenly Father, while I do not understand the need for this test, I accept that You will teach me through it. I know You will give me strength to offset my weakness and will use this to deepen my relationship with You. For any way that You want me to serve You, You will make a way. May I face this with confidence in You, and the faith to know it will be overcome, through my reliance on You. May all the good that comes from this bring Glory to You! I pray this in Jesus precious Name, Amen.