{"id":17708,"date":"2016-06-25T12:31:55","date_gmt":"2016-06-25T12:31:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/?p=17708"},"modified":"2016-06-25T12:44:56","modified_gmt":"2016-06-25T12:44:56","slug":"a-good-laugh-for-your-weekend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/?p=17708","title":{"rendered":"A good laugh for your weekend!"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My brother-in-law Ron sent this to me, it is just too good. \u00a0Sherlene and I have gone over these about thousand times in 47 years of marriage! \u00a0I love her deeply, but she and few women either understand this or abide by them, but for what it’s worth try it out on your wife, or girlfriend!<\/p>\n

Good Luck!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Man Rules<\/strong><\/span><\/h1>\n

At\u00a0last a guy has taken the time to write this all down<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Finally<\/strong>,\u00a0the guys’ side of the story.<\/strong><\/p>\n

(<\/strong>\u00a0I\u00a0must admit, it’s pretty good.) <\/strong><\/p>\n

We always hear<\/strong>\u00a0‘the rules’<\/strong><\/p>\n

From the female side<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0 Now here are the rules from the male side.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

These are our rules!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Please note.. these are all numbered ‘1 ‘ <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

ON PURPOSE!\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0 Men are NOT mind readers.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down..<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

We need it up, you need it down.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

or the changing of the tides.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Let it be.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Crying is blackmail.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Ask for what you want. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Let us be clear on this one: <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Subtle hints do not work!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Strong hints do not work!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Obvious hints do not work!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Just say it!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Come to us with a problem only\u00a0if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Don’t ask us.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0other one\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. You can either ask us to do something<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

or tell us how you want it done. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Not both.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no\u00a0idea what mauve is.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

1. If it itches, it will be scratched..<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

We do that.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or\u00a0motor sports.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. You have enough clothes.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. You have too many shoes.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. I am in shape. \u00a0Round IS a shape!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Thank you for reading this.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Have a great weekend!<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Blessings,<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

the pilgrim<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    My brother-in-law Ron sent this to me, it is just too good. \u00a0Sherlene and I have gone over these about thousand times in 47 years of marriage! \u00a0I love her deeply, but she and few women either understand this or abide by them, but for what it’s worth try it out on your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17708","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chronicles"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17708","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=17708"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17708\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17722,"href":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17708\/revisions\/17722"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=17708"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=17708"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/billfortney.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=17708"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}