Monthly Archives: February 2019

In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT. —————————— —————————— —————————– In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS… —————————— —————————— ————————- In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN. —————————— —————————— —————————— —————————— ————— In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD. —————————— —————————— —————————— — Outside a second-hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? —————————— —————————— —————————— —————————— — Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS… —————————— —————————— —————————— ———— Spotted in a safari park:  (I sure hope so.) ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR. —————————— —————————— ——— Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR. —————————— —————————— ————————– Notice in a farmer’s field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. —————————— —————————— ——————– Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS. —————————— —————————— ———————– On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK.) Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say? —————————— —————————— —————————— — Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter   This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. —————————— —————————— —————————— —————————— —————– Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Really? Ya’ think? —————————— —————————— —————————— ———————- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that’s taking things a bit far! —————————— —————————— —————————— ——————— Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy!  —————————— —————————— —————————— ——————— Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s! —————————— —————————— —————————— ——————— Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant  See if that works better than a fair trial!  —————————– —————————— —————————— ———————– War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! —————————— —————————— —————————— ———————- If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya’ think?! —————————— —————————— —————————— ———————- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! —————————— —————————— —————————— ——————— Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something! —————————— —————————— —————————— ——————– Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?  —————————— —————————— —————————— ——————– Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! —————————— —————————— —————————— ——————– New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Weren’t they fat enough?! —————————— —————————— —————————— ——————– Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That’s what he gets for eating those beans! —————————— —————————— —————————— ——————– Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken? ****************************** ****************************** ******************** Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! ****************************** ****************************** ****************************** **** Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! ****************************** ****************************** ****************************** ***** And the winner is… Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right?

 

Blessings,

 

the pilgrim